Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Oh the Noise!

When I was a kid, my brother and I would open our presents on Christmas morning, and would play with them, thinking that nothing was amiss. Our neighbours, the Coopers, had moved to Havelock at the same time as my parents, having been high school friends in Scarborough, and had two kids relatively the same age as my brother and I.

Later that day we would go next door to their house for a big Christmas dinner, and we kids would compare toys and play, and Larry and I would be shocked to find out that often they had the same toys, and ours were quiet while theirs made all kinds of cool noises.

My father, when I was older, made a confession. He had carefully opened all our toys before they were wrapped. He took the ones that made electronic noise, and covered the speakers with clear tape. The cars and boats and planes that clicked, rumbled, or whirred, he took apart (gasp!) and removed the mechanism so that it ran as smooth as possible on our shag carpeted floors. Then he carefully reassembled everything, packaging and all, for Mom to wrap and put under the tree. All this to sleep in a little over the holidays.

This brings me to Pinkie Pie. Daisy saw a commercial months ago, and asked for a pony that talks and sucks a bottle, and burps, and does all the things that anthropomorphic pink baby ponies with too-big anime eyes *should* do. We thought, okay, what the heck. We bought Pinkie Pie. We made a little girl happy.

As we speak Pinkie Pie is building a toy refuge in our attic.

And that was when Pinkie Pie busted out the plan to drive us stark raving mad. She never shut up! I knew we were in trouble the night after Christmas when I was cleaning up and she "sensed" me in the room, and started to talk to me. From twenty feet away!

Jennifer then found a switch in the back, and turning it from 'demo' to 'play' mode, we thought we had found some relief. (I even for a moment envisioned the Toy Story 2 Buzz Lightyear panicking when the evil Lotso Huggin' bear does that to him and erases his memory. "Take that, Pinkie Pie," I thought.) No such luck. It probably turned her evil.

Dr. Pork Chop

I revisited some of my Dad's old tricks. I brought out the clear tape with plans to silence her. I looked everywhere, and so did Jenn. Well, Pinkie Pie has gone missing somewhere in the basement, and not a moment too soon. When I threatened to eviscerate her with a butter knife in my last post. I wasn't joking, and perhaps she stayed up late at night in horror looking at the monitor in the dark, plotting revenge.

Her little friend, Teacup Piggy, is probably her spy. Not nearly as cloying and cute, this little pig makes up for it with the constant banter. He likes to talk whenever his little nose is pushed. He feigns sleep and then snorts awake, saying "Oh, oh, is it time to play now?" (which I find highly suspicious...)

Daisy has just now informed me her name is 'Teacup Piggy'

I think they are planning something, so from here on in, replacement batteries are going to be in very short supply.

My wife, Jennifer's, blog can be found here:
Cleverly Disguised as Cake

And my first novel, squeakyclean, here:
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